Yesterday when I walked home in beautiful Stockholm, strolling with Lucas in the stroller and our two little Chihuahuas, I just felt such an inner happiness that I’m simply around to see the sun, watch all the beautiful people on the streets, sitting at various coffee shops, or just simply on their way somewhere. My mother once said, ”If I could only be around to see what happens, to be able to just have for example one more dinner with you, your father and your brother”! A simple, often taken for granted ”everyday” thing but, so beautiful but yet impossible if you have a time limit to your life… That’s what she said 10 years ago…
So mom, today walking in the sun, I feel that I’m happy and blessed to just be here and “around”… so beautiful in itself!
That day 10 years ago you also said, “I’m so afraid that you will be disappointed if you don’t succeed with your dream”. And I answered, “If I don’t try, the chance that I will be disappointed is 100 % but if I do, at least I will know that I tried! So mom, I kept trying and today I am living my dream… why!? You see, I make a living, even do I sometimes hardly get around but I DO make a living, doing what I love which is making people happy with my singing and with my songs and music . I sometimes make them want to dance and I reach them with my words. I travel around the world and meet people that often seem to love what I do… mom, last week I was in Dubai performing, and one of the nights I did a performance for my new sponsor, Volkswagen. I was supposed to sing for 45 minutes, entertaining all the possible car buyers, the rich Saudis’, the Omanis’ and other influent people… After my 45 min was up, they told me that, “The clients just cancelled their dinner since they rather spend the evening dancing and listening to you!” So I sang and sang, for 3 hours in a raw and every time I tried to stop they wanted more… mom, I made people happy and kept them dancing… I pulled every song I had in my catalogue, I sang “I will Survive” at least 3 times 
along with my own music and at the end they were all singing along to my own song “Everything”… Such a wonderful, warm, loving and unforgettable evening… So mom, yes, I did succeed simply because I sometimes can make people happy and by doing that, it makes me very happy too.
That night, ten years ago, you also said, “I don’t want you to miss the other race, being so focused on your music! The race of having a family and racing your own child”… Mom I know, and like your other words, they always stayed with me… but mom, he’s here now!! And of course you know this already! J Little angel Lucas, the best thing in the world… travelling with me to every corner of this world! I have not spent a day without him yet, simply because I just can’t… He’s already dancing and he’s very un scared of everything. He’s extremely social since he meets people all the time and he already knows what a sound check is and he already recognized his mom’s singing… J He’s, just like you said, simply the biggest blessing of them all…
So mom, am I happy!? Yes, mostly I feel extremely blessed, happy and very grateful for so many things, but if you ask me today the answer would be no, simply because you’re not here to see that I’m doing good, to share Lucas everyday happenings with you and simply be able to say that “now we’re going to see grandma”! To be able to call you and tell you all the exciting things that is going on, or just discuss my worries about the future, ask for your advice or just share my happiness about Lucas…! The fact that I can’t simply sucks! But I also know that you’re with us somehow and that you’re watching over us always… don’t think Lucas would be here otherwise And luckily I also have papa and my brother there… the family that you once started and which of course I love more than I can write in words!
Mom, miss you more that I can express in any way, today and every day, but with these words I just wanted you to know that I remember all that you said and that I’m doing my best to not waste any of the invaluable days that I’ve been given! I do my best to try and live every day as the last and to do the most of it all and I also try to see all the beautiful small “everyday” blessings that we so often take for granted! The day you left us, ten years ago, I promised myself to go for my dream and make the most of my life, no matter how tuff it seems sometimes, since life is too short and that’s what I’ve been doing ever since even though it’s not always easy like for all of us! But at least I try… like I promised you!
My song to you from 2005:
THE NIGHT HAS COME
(T.Neaime / F.Stromberg)
V1
If I could have another moment with you
If I could only bring you back when morning comes
If I could hold your hand one more time and let you know
How I fall without you, I am drowning in deep water
And I wish I would have told you how you made me who I am
Without your wisdom it will never be the same, since
CHORUS
The night has come
And left us in the darkest cold
The night has come
With memories of you that never fade
Everything is different, since
The night has come
And your endless journey has begun
V2
Even in your deepest fear you gave me strength
Like a flower knows the rain you fought thru pain
You fell like a leaf without a choice
But I still wonder why, you had to leave in the middle of your life
And I am sorry for the words we never said
And I regret, I was to scared to say goodbye, and now
CHORUS
BRIDGE
The moon will rise the sun will set
The moon will rise the sun will set
Still, I promise you that I will live and I won’t forget
Love you with all my heart!
Your daughter!
Tessan
(Lucas already 15 months)
Photos by Katharina Sherman
Inga kommentarer än.