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Gott Nytt År! / Onnellista Uutta Vuotta! / Happy New Year! x x

I'm breathing through fog, I'm walking in the rain... The shadows are leaving, but darkness remains. I feel tears falling on my cheeks. My face is as wet as the sea, far away from where I am. Things are changing and I'm lost in the chaos. Suddenly someone asks: "Can you breathe?" The voice is deep but I don't recognize it. I feel something on my chest, something or someone, is hitting me time and time again. "She's not breathing!" 

Who is that? And why can't my mouth ask the question out loud? Am I paralyzed? Am I dreaming? I must be dreaming because my eyes are closed. At least it feels as if they are. Are they? "I managed to make her breathe again." 

"Can you feel this, or this?" Ouch! That hurts. What is he doing to me? Yes, I can feel it! I try to speak but my voice is gone.. Or is it? Maybe I have to try harder. Nope, it's definitely gone. Whoever breathes on my face, can't hear me. What am I going to do? "She can feel it, I see it in her face!" Yes, whoever you are, you're right. I can feel it. Whatever it is.

"Okay, I am going to pinch you again. Please try to speak." I have tried! But I can't. I can't speak. "Ouch ouch ouch! It hurts!" "That's better." "Wait, did you hear me?" "Yes." "Who are you?" "That doesn't matter right now. You're trapped in a wall, in a building. Please, don't panic. We are working on getting you out." 

"I can't promise you that I will not panic, but I will try." "Good." "Can you feel your legs?" "Yes." "That's good." "Can you feel your arms?" "Yes." "That's good, too." "How did I get here?" "I was hoping that you could tell me that." "I don't remember. I'm sorry." "It's ok. You have memory loss. It's common to get that during situations like the one you've been through. Now, you'll have to be completely still. I am going to move you to another location. Are you ready?" "Yes, I'm ready." "Good."

What happened?! I can't feel anything! My legs! My arms! Why can't I feel my body?! Everything is black. Help me. Can somebody hear me?! Where are you who were here a moment ago? Is this how it's gonna end? Dammit. I seem to have lost my voice again. I am disappearing. Please, help me. I'm losing the fight.. I can feel it. Life fades away from me. Life is.. ending. Isn't it?

All these children that are young today. I wonder if they know how jealous I am, on the fact that they're not adults? I sit here
and I remember, how fun it was to be a young soul with no troubles.

You enjoyed the world in a different way as a kid. But the years went by and you grew up. And you learned about a lot of awful
and sad things. For example, that a war is going on. And that Earth isn't as healthy as it seems to be.

As a little child, you lived your life as if everything was perfect. You enjoyed every moment as if sadness did not exist. And I
miss that. Not always but sometimes I do. I think that if you'd ask yourself if you miss being a child, a part of you would have
the same opinion as me.

I'm not that old but I'm not a kid anymore. I've been through a lot of things that have changed me, things who have made me
who I am today. When my mum past away, when I was only sixteen years old, everything changed. I will always be thankful to
the guys who created the Playstation game Burnout. Because by hitting cars with my own car, I was freed from a large part of
the anger that I carried within me.

The days have turned into months and years. It's not yesterday that my mum died, but it feels as if it was. My sister has two
children, and sometimes I think of my nieces and am grateful that they are still young. Because one day they will grow up
and understand that the world isn't so perfect, and that is a sad fact.